I Have Loved You For A Thousand Years
by Wemma4Life
Summary: Rufus and Lily became perfect strangers after Dan and Serena's wedding. They only talk on holidays and at family gatherings. And that's only for a few moments. Little does Rufus know, Lily still has feelings for him and unbeknownst to him, he may still feel something for her. A story of two people finding each other again. RATED M FOR LATER CHAPTERS.
1. Strangers

**Author's Note: First Rufly fic. This is for all of you who thought that the way Rufly ended in the series finale was horrid. My first chapters are always a bit rough so trust me okay? (: Read and Review. 3**

It had been two years since that faithful day when a Van der Woodson became a Humphrey. Since Thanksgiving became more of a family ritual instead of a coincidental gathering of two separate families. Since the tension between Rufus and Lily had to be pushed beneath the surface; never to come up again.

The two shared small talk every holiday and every gathering they both had to attend that Serena and Dan threw, but they never spent more than five minutes talking, the subjects never going past business as usual. The last words they had said about their feelings towards each other were those Rufus had declared putting their relationship at a permanent stop. Since then, they'd never spent one second alone together.

Rufus had thrown himself back into his music, ringing up Lisa Loeb for the occasional booty call and Lily had placed herself in a relationship with William, Serena and Eric's father. Although this time she didn't rush into marriage like she would have, no matter how many times William asked for her hand. She was surprised he was able to wait for her, even though she never planned on marrying again. Unless it was to a certain dark-haired musician.

Now that both of her kids were out of the house and grown, Lily had gotten herself back into photography. She hadn't picked up a camera in twenty-some, so she was pretty rusty. That's why for the last month or so she had spent every afternoon in Central Park taking pictures of anything that caught her eye. Today was no exception.

She spun slowly in a circle a few times, trying to find a new thing to take pictures of when her eyes caught something familiar. Or someone. She zoomed in on the face of the man that had once been the love of her life but was now such a stranger. She felt the part of her heart that would always be in love with him break a little more as she snapped a picture of him. Taking a look at the picture, she smiled. _He's still so photogenic, _she thought.

Deciding that it was time to stop being awkward towards each other, she took a heap of courage and began walking towards him. She could no longer take this small talk thing. She missed him more than she was ready to admit.

Rufus looked up from his feet just in time to catch Lily walking towards him. Immediately a lump formed in his throat as he tried to think of a reason to leave. He smiled slightly as she finally approached him. He only hoped whatever she wanted would be quick and that he could leave swiftly.

"Hello Rufus." Lily said, forced confidence in her voice. She'd always been the best actress all her friends knew, and they never neglected to tell her that.

"Hey Lily," He replied, the tone of his voice proving how awkward he felt in this situation.

They stood in a silence that neither one knew how to break. Being alone with him like this, Lily had lost all of her confidence and was now feeling like a coward. Rufus noticed the camera bag at her side and felt himself smile a little more. She'd always been happiest when she was involved in photography, and he knew that.

Lily picked up on his looking at it and smiled. "I've started taking up photography again."

"That's great Lil. You've always been so good." He said.

She laughed softly. "I'm not so good anymore. I'm so rusty from not having picked up a camera in so long." She said.

"I'm sure you'll get the hang of it again. All that talent didn't just go away." He said. Even though they weren't really friends, he still had tremendous faith in her talent.

She smiled. "Well, I can say that the camera still loves you!" She exclaimed, pulling out her camera and showing him the picture she had taken of him.

He chuckled as he leaned towards her to get a good look at the picture. "Wow. That's a fantastic picture," he said, "I knew you still had talent Lil, this is truly amazing."

She felt her neck turn a little pink as he had moved closer to her. She beamed when he complimented her picture. William hadn't said much of anything when she showed him her pictures; nothing like what Rufus had said anyways. "Thank you." She said.

He nodded. "No problem." He said, knowing that the awkwardness was starting to go away.

Lily put her camera back in the bag and looked over at him. "So how've you been?" She asked.

"I've been great. I started working in music again. I even wrote a new song." He said.

She smiled. "That's wonderful. Maybe I could hear it sometime." She suggested, hoping that he'd be willing to spend more time with her.

"I haven't played it for anyone yet, but maybe. You've always been one of my biggest fans." He said.

She beamed. "I suppose I have. And I'm sure it's great, you're songs always are." She said, knowing that no matter what she'd love it.

He immediately found himself looking forward to the day he showed her his song. If he were completely honest with himself, she was the first person he wanted to share it with when he finished it a week ago. "How are you and William doing..?" He asked, a little curious to know how her relationship was going.

"Things are going great." She said, being as vague as she possibly could have.

"Not married yet?" He joked.

"Hey!" she laughed and whacked him playfully with her hand. If it were anyone else joking around about her many marriages she would have stormed off, but it was Rufus and he always brought out the best in her.

He laughed. "I'll take that as a no." He said, still laughing. He had this strange feeling that he was happy she wasn't married to him. Or married to anyone for that matter.

"Yes, that's a no. Gosh Rufus," she said, rolling her eyes. She had promised herself she wouldn't get married to anyone unless she knew it was forever, and with William she had a feeling it wasn't.

He smiled. "I have to admit I'm a little surprised. How long have you guys been dating? I think it's been about the right time for a Lily Van der Woodson marriage." He said.

She crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. "Rufus, really, maybe I'm not so quick to marriage anymore. There's more to life than being a housewife."

He nodded. "Or being a trophy husband." He said. He had nonchalantly made a reference to their marriage and hadn't realized how hard Lily would take it until he looked her in the eye.

Lily faked a smile and nodded before looking at her feet. "Yeah… I should really be going now. William is waiting for me at home. He's making dinner I believe. It was great talking to you Rufus." She said, walking away from me.

"Lil, come on. I was just kidding around." He said, rubbing the back of his neck.

She looked back at him and nodded. "Call me about that song. I'm really curious about it." She said, continuing to walk away.

_Way to go Rufus, you really screwed yourself this time,_ he thought. He sighed and walked the other direction, hoping all could be mended over a song and if he found a way to watch his tongue.

**Eww, wasn't that bad? I hope not. I'll update tomorrow if it's worthy. (:**


	2. Why Can't He Be You?

**Author's Note: Thank you all so much for the kind reviews. Really. I hope you guys like this chapter just as much. (: **

Lily arrived home that same afternoon and smiled as she saw William in the kitchen cooking. None of her previous lovers had ever cooked except for Rufus, and she found it an extreme gesture of love.

"Hello Lily," he said, smiling at her as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hello my darling." she said, placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

She sat her camera down on the counter before taking a seat on a stool. Whatever he was making smelt delicious.

"Did you have a nice afternoon at Central Park?" He asked her.

She nodded. "It was really nice. I took some wonderful pictures, would you like to see them?" she asked, knowing the answer before it even left his mouth.

"Maybe after dinner." He said, adding more spices to the food on the oven.

Lily forced a quick grin. "Yes, of course." she said, looking down at her lap.

He never wanted to see her photos, and as much as she hated to admit it, that hurt her. She'd always loved photography and she'd only hoped with as much as William was pursuing her, he would try to seem the least bit interested.

"I'm making ravioli, I hope that's okay." He said.

She nodded. "It's perfectly fine." She replied, grabbing her camera.

Scrolling through her pictures, she stopped on the one of Rufus and smiled. Just seeing his face in a picture made her a little happier. She couldn't wait to see him again. Even though things were still a bit strange between them, she had to admit that spending two minutes with him had made her happier than she had been in ages.

She sighed and sat her camera back down, looking up at the man that stood in front of her. The man she was with, a man who loved her and showed her in every way. Yet she couldn't love him. She'd done that, she had loved him once. And it had only ended badly for the both of them. He had hurt her in so many ways. And for that, she didn't know if she could ever love him like she had.

"Are you okay Lily?" He asked her, as she had been staring at him for quite a while now.

She nodded. "Yes, of course. Is the food almost done?" She asked.

"Just about, yes." He answered, adding a bit more seasoning and stirring it again.

"Good. I'm starving!" She exclaimed, resting her head on her hand, watching him.

He chuckled. "Could you get bowls and forks for me?" He asked.

She nodded and slipped down from the stool. Walking into a kitchen, she opened a cupboard, pulling out two bowls. She had never really known where anything was in the kitchen, but since her marriage to Rufus, she had quickly caught on.

Grabbing two forks, she set them down by him. "There you go."

He smiled. "Thank you." He said, beginning to dish out. "I bought some red wine this afternoon if you'd like to get some glasses for it."

She grabbed two glasses and the bottle, bringing it over to the table. He brought the two bowls over and the cork screw to open it. Lily would have done it herself, but she'd never taken the time to, assuming there would always be a man around to open it. William poured her a glass and Lily sipped it, slowly starting to cut into her ravioli. He watched her carefully as she took her first bite, curious about what she would think. She was his biggest critic, after all, and the only one that truly mattered in his opinion.

"It's marvelous William, really." She said after she swallowed.

He beamed. "Thank you. I'm so glad you like it."

She smiled at him and took another bite. She truly loved it and was almost shocked that he was such a good cook. Had he never made her this meal that would be something about him that she would have never known. They sat eating and sipping wine until they were both finished. They put the dishes in the sink and took the wine with them to the couch.

"What did you do today?" She asked him, starting her second glass of wine.

"I didn't do much of anything. I went into the office for a few hours before coming home and fixing the food." He said, drinking some of his own wine.

She nodded. "Sounds kind of uneventful, if you ask me. Can I ask, was it worth it slaving away all day at the stove for me?" She asked.

"Yes, of course it was. You are worth doing anything for." He replied, taking her hand.

She glanced down at their entwined fingers and smiled slightly. "That's very sweet of you to say William, thank you."

He sat his wine glass down and leaned in, placing a kiss on her lips. Lily cupped his cheeks with her hands as she kissed him back softly. They got deeper into the kiss and all Lily could think about was Rufus. How much she missed him cooking her waffles in the mornings, his chili even though the smell lingered within the apartment. Mainly, she missed his kisses. How the way he kissed her would always make her feel loved, the way he would hold her in his arms that made her feel safe. All of it.

Slowly, she pushed William away, feeling guilty about thinking of another man as they kissed. He looked at her, shock and disappointment in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," she started, "I'm getting one of my headaches again. I should go take some of my meds and lie down…"

He sighed. "Okay, sure. Do you want me to go up there with you? I was supposed to do a little bit of work, but I can."

She shook her head slowly. "No, no. You stay down here and get your work done." She said, standing up.

"Okay, goodnight." He said.

She smiled at him and began going up the stairs. She had almost stepped gotten all the way up when she heard him call up to her.

"I love you, Lily." He said.

She bit her lip and went up to her room, not uttering a reply. She couldn't lie about this, even though she had lied so many times before. She stepped into the bathroom and turned on the sink, splashing her face. Opening the cabinet, she found her pills and took one, before leaving the room.

As she lay in bed, she felt like she wanted to call Rufus, but knew that it would be stupid. What would she say? I miss you and I have for the longest time? The words he had left on her phone years ago when she was with Bart. No, she couldn't say that. She sighed and looked up at the ceiling, longing for the man she loved. She twisted and turned, finding a comfortable spot, and drifting into sleep.

**Author's note: Well, there's that chapter. I couldn't really think about what to write for the longest time. I hope you guys liked it, next chapter I swear there will be some Rufus/Lily conversation. (:**


	3. Shopping And Her

**Author's Note: Finally updating. I swear, I'm horrible with this whole thing. But I've been going through some stuff. I hope this chapter is good, I got the idea in the middle of class one day, hahah.**

It had been around two weeks since Rufus and Lily's encounter in the park. The Upper East Side had been unusually quiet recently, most people shopping for the upcoming Humphrey house party thrown by Dan and Serena each year. It had become somewhat of a tradition among the upper class. It wasn't really for a holiday, just for keeping the families close even as they went their separate ways. Drinks, food, catching up. Every year on the same day and that day was today.

Lily sat in the dressing room at Saks, trying on dress after dress. She hadn't been able to find the perfect one yet. After drying on a purple floor length satin gown, she came out of the room unsuccessful again. Handing all fifteen dresses back to the attendant, she headed back to the racks hoping to find one she might have missed. She let her eyes look over the selection before something caught her attention. Grabbing the light pink chiffon dress, she checked the size. Perfect, she thought. She turned to go and try it on to make sure it looked right when she saw a familiar face.

"Lisa?" she said as she saw her ex-husband's girlfriend.

The brunette turned and smiled at Lily. "Hi!" she exclaimed, walking over to her.

"Lisa, hi. I thought that was you." She said. Lily was shocked to say the least. She had never thought of Lisa as someone who would shop here, better yet afford it.

Lisa nodded. "It's me. Flesh and blood." She said, chipper as ever.

"What are you doing here?" Lily asked, trying to sound less surprised than she was.

"Oh, just some last minute shopping. Rufus asked me to attend Dan and Serena's party with him. I figured I'd probably need something more formal than my usual outfits since Dan and Serena have some big announcement, at least from what Rufus was saying…" she continued to drone on and on about Rufus needing a new tie and hair accessories.

Lily just nodded along, pretending that she was listening even though she checked out of the conversation when Rufus was mentioned. She thought she'd better ask if William didn't have to work so that he could come along and she wouldn't be alone. Usually, she spent the night alongside Eleanor or Charles, but if Lisa was stopping in this year she knew that wouldn't cut it. She'd become jealous in a nano second with her there, holding Rufus' hand, leaning on his shoulder. Or worse, if they decided to kiss. She'd have to get William to come or else her head might pop off by the end of the night.

"Lily? Are you okay?" Lisa asked, making Lily break from her thoughts.

She nodded again. "Yes, sorry. It sounds like you've got an awful lot to do."

Lisa smiled. "I do, but most of its shopping, so it's fun. And what are you looking for?"

"Just a dress for tonight. I was actually about to go try this one on." She said, raising the dress so Lisa could see it.

"Oh, that's lovely. It will look wonderful on you. I was actually just heading that way myself." She said, lifting her own selection of dresses up.

"Wonderful. I'm pretty busy myself today so I should go try this on before leaving." She said, starting towards the dressing room.

"I want to see you in it before you go, so wait for me." She said as she followed.

They both went into dressing rooms and came out a few minutes later. Lisa beamed as she saw Lily. "That looks amazing on you!"

"You think so? I don't know." Lily turned and looked at herself in the mirror.

"Absolutely, you have to get that." She said.

She smiled. "Okay. You're right. And William does always say he loves me in pink."

"What do you think of mine?" She asked as she stood in a floor length red gown.

Lily tried not to cringe and shook her head. "Definitely not."

Lisa's face dropped. "I kind of liked it…" Without a beat her mouth opened again. "Oh Lily you have to stay! I don't know what to get and this is one of the first Upper East Side party Rufus has invited me to in forever."

Lily sighed and thought about it for a second. She didn't really want to but the woman was almost in hysterics. Her showing up in the wrong dress would almost be as hard on Lily's eyes as her and Rufus together.

She nodded. "All right, I'll stay. But only until we find you a dress. Then I have to go."

Lisa smiled and hugged her. "Thank you so much Lily. I owe you one!"

Try a billion, she thought as she went into the dressing room and took off her dress.

-**later-on-**

After spending a majority of the day with Lisa, Lily finally got home. She cracked open a bottle of red, taking a long drink from the glass she had poured. Pulling out her Blackberry, she dialed William's number hoping for two things. 1, that he would answer; 2, that he was off tonight. Thankfully she heard a click on the other end and William's voice.

"Hello love." He said.

"William, darling, I need to ask you something." She said.

"Yes Lily, what is it?" he asked.

"If you have the night off at the hospital, would you come to Dan and Serena's party with me?" She asked.

"I'd love to dear, but I got called in. An emergency surgery scheduled that'll last until late tomorrow morning." He replied.

"Oh, okay. I can go by myself than…" she said.

"I'm really sorry love. I wish I could make it." He said.

"No, it's okay. Really." She said, hiding the disappointment in her voice pretty well.

"I love you okay? I have to go though. Surgery prep." He said.

"I love you too. I hope surgery goes well. I'll see you in the morning." She said, hanging up.

She set her phone down next to her and sighed. Wonderful, she'd get to spend the night watching Rufus and Lisa fawn over each other while she sat drinking. It would not be a night she looked forward to. Grabbing her glass of wine, she went upstairs to get ready for the party.

**Author's Note: Read & Review. Party next chapter and soon this time because I pretty much know what I'm doing. **


	4. Serena and Dan's Party

**Author's Note: Yes, it's been ages, and I'm sorry about that. But now it is summer so I will have all of the time in the world to update! I promise I will be responsible this time. ;) Thank you for sticking with me.**

Lily walked into the party that night more hopeful than she had been a few hours ago. Getting ready had been simple, her hair in a simple up-do and small diamonds in her ears. The jewelry didn't overpower the dress and with light make-up, she felt stunning. She found Serena quickly, standing with Blair and Chuck.

"Hello darling," she greeted her daughter, giving her pecks on both cheeks.

"Hi mom. I'm so glad you could make it!" she said, smiling wide. "Where's dad?"

"He needed to work late at the hospital. Something about an emergency surgery that would take all night," she said, looking over at Chuck and Blair.

She hadn't seen them in a while, but they looked just as young and happy as always. Love for each other still in their eyes. "Charles, it's wonderful to see you."

Chuck gave Lily a quick hug. "Yes, it's great. I've missed you."

Lily smiled. "I've missed you too. We'll have to get together for lunch sometime."

"That's sound great. We'll talk more later." He said, before quickly walking off to see other guests.

"He's been doing that since the party began. Running off to meet new possible clients or business partners." Blair said, rolling her eyes.

"He's been doing a great job running the company. I'm very proud of him." Lily said, grabbing a flute of champagne when a server passed with the tray.

"Yes, he's working very hard." Blair said, a smile across her face. He was nothing if not hard working.

"Where is Daniel, Serena?" Lily asked, taking a sip of her drink.

"Talking with Rufus, I think. Him and Lisa arrived a few minutes before you did." She said, shrugging her shoulders.

Lily nodded and immediately felt her stomach tighten. "I'm going to get some food. I'm starved."

Blair and Serena nodded and went back to their conversation as she walked towards the dining room. He was already here, Lily thought. Had he noticed her? She bit her lip and tried to nonchalantly look for him.

_He had noticed her._ From the second Lily walked in, he'd seen her. The pink dress looked great on her and she was beautiful. That was his first thought. How absolutely stunning she always looked. And when her face lit up when she spoke to Chuck, he saw it even more. Her white teeth making a perfect smile. The one he'd fallen in love with. He'd seen her go towards the food and with his arm wrapped around Lisa, he sighed, trying to focus on what Dan was saying about his new upcoming book.

She'd gotten a few things, her eyes still moving around, trying to find his. She leaned against a wall somewhere and looked for them. She finally saw the green dress she had helped pick out for Lisa and followed the arm that was wrapped around her waist up to the man she'd been looking for. All she saw was the back of his neck and it was enough for her to feel butterflies in her stomach. She was being stupid, she knew that, but whenever she saw him she felt like she was a teenager again. Like she was back on that tour bus, hanging out with the band and laughing at everything Rufus had said even if it wasn't funny. She'd give anything to be back there again, with him.

"I'm gonna go get some food." Rufus whispered in Lisa's ear, thinking it was a smart excuse to see Lily.

"Okay, honey, bring me back something." She said, pecking his cheek before focusing her attention back on what Dan was saying.

He went to the dining room and got a plateful before walking towards Lily.

She took a quick breath as he walked over to her and tried to down the rest of her champagne without it being too noticeable. "Rufus…" she said, setting her glass down as he got closer.

"Lily, hi." He said, leaning against the wall next to her.

"I believe Lisa is over there…" she said, pointing towards where she was.

He nodded. "She is, but I thought I'd be nice and say hello. Also, I wanted to thank you."

"Thank me for what?" she asked, looking at him, confused.

"For helping Lisa find a dress. She told me you spent all afternoon with her, which I can imagine wasn't easy." He said.

She nodded. "Right, well, the dress finding was easy. Talking her into picking one that was fit for the occasion and looked good on her, more challenging."

"I think you did a great job. She looks wonderful." He said.

She felt her stomach flop. Maybe she should have let her pick the red dress, then maybe Rufus wouldn't be here telling her how wonderful his girlfriend looks. It was hard to admit, but it hurt to hear. Lily nodded and looked down at her feet.

"You look great too, by the way," he said. "Pink always looked best on you."

He looked over at her and Lily felt the blood rush to her cheeks.

She smiled, "Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself…"

They stood next to each other for a few minutes in silence, both of them eating but not wanting the company to end. Before long, Lily noticed Lisa walking towards them. She stiffened up as the chipper woman stopped in front of them.

"Rufus, honey, you never came back!" She said, giving him a look.

"I'm sorry, I forgot. There is some food left on my plate." He said, offering it over to her.

She took the plate and started to quietly munch on the leftovers of is plate. "Lily, you look lovely. I knew that pink looked great on you."

"Thank you Lisa. You look wonderful too. That green really makes your eyes stand out," Lily said, "If you don't mind, I'm going to get a little more to drink."

Lisa waved her off and turned back to Rufus. "Dan's new book sounds really interesting. I'm really excited about…"

She didn't hear any more of what Lisa was saying as she went to find some more champagne. She had just grabbed a glass when she heard someone clank their glass. She went to the door frame of the living room and leaned against it as she saw Dan and Serena stand together at the center.

"We've got something to tell you guys." Dan began.

"And as our closest friends and family, we thought you guys should know first." Serena said.

Dan was smiling from ear to ear and he had his arm wrapped tightly around Serena's waist. They looked at each other before addressing the group again.

"Serena's pregnant!" He exclaimed and the room exploded with emotion. Blair and Serena embraced, Chuck and Dan shook hands. Lily smiled at her daughter from across the room and mouthed a congratulations as more guests spoke to her.

Lily made her way through the room, careful not to spill her drink, and over to her daughter. She gave her a tight squeeze and smiled. "I'm so excited for you honey. This is going to be the best experience of your life."

Serena thanked her mother but didn't have much time to continue speaking as more and more people spoke to her. She moved back to the back of the room and took a seat, watching as the room buzzed with emotions. Finishing off her glass, she set it down and looked around at the guests. She met Rufus' eyes and smiled. He headed over to her and sat beside her.

"This is great news! Our kids having a kid, who would've ever thought." Rufus spoke, his eyes watching Dan and Serena.

Lily never thought this would happen. At least not for a long time had she ever thought it would. "I know, it's great…" she said, looking at him.

She knew all it did was make everything so much more complicated. She'd have to bury her feeling for Rufus now. There was no way they'd be able to be together now. Not that before now they could've been, but there was more of a chance.

"I'm going to be a grandpa. That's so exciting. It makes me feel so old though…" He laughed and shook his head.

"Tell me about it. Henry just turned six, I can't believe it. And now, another grandchild on the way." She said.

"It's crazy. We are getting old Lil, it needs to stop." He joked.

Her stomach fluttered when he called her Lil. He was the only person who ever called her that, the only one allowed to call her that. It made her feel so special when he did.

She laughed. "I know. If only there was a way."

"We'll have to start doing more childish things." He said.

"Oh really? Like what?" she asked.

He thought. "Hmm, well, I don't know. But it's New York, there must be some things."

She shook her head. "I think, for fifty-something, you act childish enough."

"You might be right, but that won't stop me from playing tag with little future Humphrey." He said, poking her in the side.

"Rufus!" she shrieked, "what was that for?"

He shrugged. "Trying to be like a kid. Come on Lil, didn't we just talk about that?"

He poked her again before tickling her. "Rufus, stop! We are not five!"

She laughed and tried to move his hands away from her. His touch sent thrills down her spin and she felt like they were the only two in the room. She clutched his wrists and pushed them away with all her strength until he fell out of his chair. She lost control then, starting to laugh harder. He laid on the ground, laughing uncontrollably.

Taking a few deep breaths to get herself under control and helped him up. "Are you okay?"

He nodded. "I'm just fine. That's the hardest I've laughed in years."

Lily smiled. "Me too."

"Lil?"

"Yeah?"

"I was wondering if maybe you'd like to hear that song of mine sometime soon…"

She nodded. "Of course. Just call me and I'll free up my schedule."

"Actually, how does later tonight sound?" he asked.

"It's already pretty late Rufus…And what about Lisa?" She asked.

"I was just about to head out actually. Drop Lisa off and go home. I'm a little tired of champagne and suits." He said.

She thought about it. William would be gone all night, he'd never know she was gone. Plus, she didn't really have anything better to do anyways. It was only just hitting nine, not truly that late. Access your inner child, Lily, she thought. She nodded. "Okay, but just for you to show me the song. Then I'll have to be getting home, busy day tomorrow."

He smiled. "Great. I'll see you later then."

She smiled as he walked away to get Lisa. She bit her lip and sighed. Just a song Lily, a song and maybe a beer or two. Saying goodbye to Serena quickly, she left and headed home. She tried to calm her nerve as she thought of what she should wear. The dress was a bit too extravagant for the loft. Leaning her head against the window, she mentally went through her entire closet so that she would know exactly what to change into. Oh, maybe the night wouldn't turn out to be so horrible after all.

**Author's Note: Next chapter is obviously going to be at the loft. I really think this chapter was pretty horrible. I kind of knew where I was going to go with it, but didn't at the same time. I don't know, it's all right I guess. Thanks for reading and review please. It's always helpful. **


	5. Come Home

**Author's Note: I can't write song lyrics for my life so I used the song Come Home by OneRepublic. It's 100% their song, but right here right now in the story, Rufus "wrote" it.**

Lily arrived at the loft a good 45 minutes later. Her hair in a loose bun to go with her jeans, t-shirt, and leather jacket. Thankfully her only pair of jeans, jeans she'd had for years, still fit her nicely. When she got to the door, she could already hear Rufus strumming away. She felt a smile spread across her face as she knocked. The strumming stopped and he immediately opened the door.

He smiled at her and let her in. "I ordered Chinese. Didn't see you eat much at the party."

"Did you remem-" Lily began.

"Yes, I remembered the eggrolls." He finished her sentence and chuckled.

"Thank you…" she said.

"I'll get us some beers. Make yourself comfortable." He said, going over to the fridge.

Lily walked over to the dining room area of the apartment. It looked no different than the last time she'd been here. Looking at the many pictures on the wall, she spotted some of Jenny in Europe. Some with friends others with a boyfriend or two. Dan with Serena and some of him with fans. She even saw some of all three Humphrey's together. The last one she saw was one her and Rufus had taken together on an anniversary. She was looking at the camera and he had his head resting on hers, his eyes closed. She could remember that photo being taken clearly. She could still feel the love that was between them perfectly.

"I love that photo too much to take it down…" Rufus said, showing up behind her.

"I love it too. I still have mine framed and everything." She said, taking one of the beers from him.

"William doesn't mind?" he asked.

"I was about to ask you the same thing." She replied.

"William's never been here, so I'd say he doesn't…" he said.

Lily rolled her eyes. "You know what I meant. Does Lisa mind?"

"I don't think she really notices. She hasn't been here in quite a while." He said.

"William doesn't mind either. He doesn't dare enter my closet in fear of Prada attacking him." She joked.

He smiled and sipped his beer. "Understandable."

She nodded. "So why doesn't Lisa come around very much?"

She was curious but also wanted to know for herself. They seemed very attached at the party, but things must not have been the same behind closed doors.

"We just haven't been seeing much of each other lately. That's all. I think she's gotten sick of me." He joked. "How are things with William?"

She wanted to say something about how Lisa was missing out. About how lucky any woman would be if she were with Rufus. But she didn't; she was able to keep her heart quiet.

"We're fine. Same as usual. He works, I go to parties and sit at home." She said, shrugging.

"He's stupid. I could never understand why you got back with him." He said.

"It's better than being alone." She said, "But enough about my relationship. I wanna hear that song of yours." She nudged his arm with her elbow.

Rufus nodded. "Okay. Skipping right to the point, I like it."

They walked to the living room and Rufus grabbed his guitar. They sat next to each other and Lily waited eagerly, a huge smile on her face.

As Rufus began to strum, Lily found herself in a trance. One of her favorite things about being married to Rufus was that every Sunday morning they would sit in bed and he would make up little songs. Some silly, some cute and romantic. No matter what, they'd always make her smile. When he began to sing, she got even more lost in the wonderful music.

"Hello world, hope you're listening.

Forgive me if I'm young or speaking out of turn.

There's someone I've been missing,

I think that they could be

The better half of me."

The words rang out in the loft as Lily hung on every one. She tried to push the way it made her feel, the way if made her think of him, away. It was probably written for Lisa anyways.

"They're in the wrong place trying to make it right

But I'm tired of justifying

So I say to you…"

AS he went into the chorus, he stared at Lily. He tried to tell himself that this song wasn't written for her, that he'd just had some hidden talent at not writing songs about her but that was a lie. Everything he ever wrote was about Lily, for Lily.

"And right now there's a war between the vanities

But all I see is you and me

And the fight for you is all I've ever known

So come home…"

Her heart caught in her chest and she bit the inside of her lip. The song was almost moving her to tears as he went through the second verse.

"Well then hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin

It might start now yeah

Maybe I'm just dreaming out loud,

Until then…"

Rufus could see it in her eyes that the song was affecting her. It made him think that maybe she felt the same way. That the words were in her heart just as much as they were in his.

"Everything I can't be

Is everything you should be

And that's why I need you here

Everything I can't be

Is everything you should be

And that's why I need you here

So hear this now…"

Lily felt a few tears roll down her cheeks and she quickly wiped them away. She hoped he didn't notice, but he had.

"Come home, come home

'Cause I've been waiting for ya

For so long, for so long

And right now there's a war between the vanities

But all I see is you and me

The fight for you is all I've ever known

Ever known

So come home…"

When he finished the song, she clapped as loud as her hands would allow. "Oh, Rufus. That was great! Truly magnificent. People are going to love it!"

He shook his head. "I'm not going to show it to anyone else."

"Not even Lisa? Rufus, you wrote a song for the woman, you have to sing it to her!" she said.

"Lil, it's not for Lisa." He explained.

She went quiet for a second. "Then who is it for? You can't just pull a song like that out of thin air. Is it for Alison?"

He shook his head again. "It doesn't matter who it's for. It's special to me and I don't really want to share it."

"Then why'd you share it with me?" she asked.

"I wanted your opinion," he replied.

"Well I loved it. I think you should record it and show the world. I'm not the only one who would love It, Rufus. You've got a talent, I wish you could see that." She said.

He nodded. "I'm glad you liked it."

He knew he should just tell her that it was about her. That he missed her and wanted her to be with him. He didn't know how though. He'd hoped with the words she'd just assume.

Lily smiled and took another drink from her beer. She hoped the food would get here soon so that at least chewing would fill the silence. She wanted the song to be about her but she was too scared to ask. Too scared of rejection. Too scared that she'd screw up their relationship again.

"I wish you'd tell me who it was about…I care about who makes you happy. Maybe I could help you tell her how you feel." She said.

"It's all right Lil. I'll find a way to explain it to her. Maybe after the fear subsides."

"Fear? Rufus, you don't have any reason to be afraid. Any woman would be lucky to have you." She said. "And if they don't realize how great of a guy you are, then they're an idiot."

He nodded. "That makes a number of woman idiots then. Including you."

She shook her head. "It's all well that ends well. You've got mystery woman and I've got William." She quickly added, "if you'd tell her how you felt that is."

Rufus shook his head. "It isn't that easy."

"How is it not that easy? I already told you, any woman would be lucky to have you." She explained.

"Lil…" he said, looking straight at her.

She went silent. Was he trying to tell her something? Was that what that Lil had meant? His tone of voice suggested it. Her voice choked in her throat and her eyes burned. The song had made her want to cry before she was certain it was her. Now, she felt like her heart was going to break and mend at the same time.

"Rufus, d-did you write it for me?" she asked, reluctantly.

There was a knock at the door and Rufus shot up. He opened the door and a few minutes later was back with food.

"It smells delicious, don't you think?" he said, starting to set it out on the table.

Lily placed her hands on his to get him to stop. "Rufus. Answer me."

The way her eyes looked into his was a look of desperation. Like she wanted to, needed to, hear his answer. He sensed longing in her voice. He sat down next to her and she removed her hands. He started to miss the warmth they gave off immediately.

"Lily, I don't know." He said.

Of course he knew the answer. It was yes, but he couldn't say it. He wasn't sure why. He was afraid to open his heart up to her again. Afraid to be hurt by her or to heart her. He just couldn't get it out.

Her heart sunk. That was the wrong answer. Instead of mending, her heart completely broke. She stood slowly, "Okay…"

"You don't have to leave…" he said.

She nodded. "I do."

He grabbed the box of eggrolls. "At least take these. You know I don't like them."

She took it from him. "Thank you…for the food and showing me the song."

She walked out of the door of the loft and quickly went out the building. He didn't even try to stop her, all he did was give her eggrolls. As she rode home in a taxi, she broke down. She'd been crying so hard that she forgot the box when she left the cab.


End file.
